


Fanboys

by iolanthe_rosa



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-05-17
Updated: 2003-05-17
Packaged: 2017-11-19 11:00:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/572545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iolanthe_rosa/pseuds/iolanthe_rosa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hello, Mr. Pot, meet Mr. Kettle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fanboys

"Elijah, I just tested out of summer school, so now we can get married this summer. Love, Brittany."  
  
"I love you and I think your face is sexy, but have you considered working out? Love, Desiree."  
  
"Grow your hair back or else I'm switching to Orly! Love love love, Amy."  
  
The inevitable monthly bag of fan letters had been delivered to Elijah's home and Dom was amusing him by reading them aloud, doing his best impersonations of love-sick 13-year-old girls. It was a little shocking how good he was at it, actually, Elijah thought.  
  
A bag like this typically consisted of 90% poorly written and spelled protestations of "always and forever" love. But the other 10% included lovingly created works of art, beautifully composed poems, or touching and thoughtful notes.  
  
As a result, Elijah approached his fans with a mixture of dread, gratitude, and guilt. He had been told repeatedly as a boy that his fans were one of the most important parts of his career: the movie tickets, the magazines, the merchandising resulted in the money that put the clothes on his back, the scripts on his desk, and, most importantly, the roof over his family's head. He owed it all to his fans.  
  
Oh, and maybe he did work hard and have a little bit of talent. But he better not do anything to scare off the fangirls.  
  
Combined with his mother's strong insistence on "doing unto others," this left Elijah in a permanent state of ambivalence. Elijah tried hard to be respectful towards his fans. It was an endless challenge and he often wondered if it was worth it. How does one balance "do unto others" with his mother's other favorite mantra, "To thine own self be true"? Shakespeare obviously never worked in Hollywood.  
  
Elijah sighed. Dom looked up from the pile of letters in his lap. "Y'Okay, baby?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
Fans getting you down?" Dom asked, smiling.  
  
"A little. Didn't you have teenage fangirls when you did Hetty?"  
  
Dom laughed. "Geoffrey Shawcross was not exactly a, uh, teen dream, but, yeah, I had a few."  
  
"Ever tempted by any of them?" Suddenly Elijah was curious. He and Dom had talked about Dom's serious past relationships, but they had never discussed this aspect of his love life.  
  
"Nah, the birds never interested me, Lij."  
  
"Never? Didn't you want to, well, experiment or whatever?"  
  
"Nope. I'm gay to the bone.so to speak. Always have been."  
  
"What made you so sure?"  
  
Dom thought about it for a moment. "If you promise not to laugh, I'll tell you who my first celebrity crush was. It might explain a few things."  
  
"I promise." Elijah could hardly wait to find out.  
  
"I mean it: not so much as a snigger," Dom warned.  
  
"I promise! I promise!" Elijah put on his best "I-am-as-sincere-as-can-be" face, the one that had gotten him out of a thousand scrapes when he was a kid.  
  
"Okay. Alright. Are you ready?" Dom paused for effect.  
  
"I'm ready! I'm ready!"   
  
"Give me a second to work up to it." Now that the moment had arrived, Dom felt a little embarrassed. He took a deep breath. "Okay. When I was seven, I had a thing for Alan Tracy, the youngest puppet on 'The Thunderbirds.'"   
  
Dom sat back to observe Elijah's reaction.  
  
Elijah averted his face, struggling to control his facial muscles. After a moment, he looked up at Dom and made eye contact. Dom's eyes were smiling but his face was serious. Elijah tried desperately to match his expression, but he could not control the grin slowly spreading across his face.  
  
"A marionette?" he asked, trying to keep the disbelief from his voice. Only a strong instinct for self-preservation prevented him from either guffawing loutishly or giggling uncontrollably.  
  
"He wasn't *just* a marionette, Lij. It was Supermarionation! And he was lovely!" Dom said defensively. "Lots of hair and big blue eyes, that American accent - reminds me of you a bit, come to think of it. And the way he wore his clothes - you could tell he was packing." Even Dom was laughing now. "It's okay, Lij, I didn't really expect you not to be amused. My point is, I was only ever attracted to blokes, even from a very young age."  
  
"Thank goodness you made the transition to live humans," Elijah noted.  
  
"Well, as I grew older, it became more important to me that the objects of my desire be anatomically correct. Anyway, now I've shared, it's your turn. Who was *your* first celebrity crush, eh?"  
  
"Ohhh," said Elijah, playing for time. "Umm, it's hard to remember that far back."  
  
"Your *turn,* Elijah," Dom insisted, a note of impatience in his voice. "Come on, it's only fair."  
  
"Well, now *you* have to promise not to laugh."  
  
"I promise to do better than you did in that department," Dom countered.  
  
"Okay, okay. You have to keep in mind that my mother did not let us watch much t.v., and what we did watch had to meet with her approval."  
  
"Yes." Dom prodded.  
  
"Well, one of the few things she let us watch were 'Brady Bunch' re-runs."  
  
"Oh my." Dom thought he could see where this was heading. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.  
  
"Yeah. Well. I, um, I kind of, um, admired.Greg." Elijah blushed scarlet.   
  
Now it was Dom's turn to struggle to control himself.   
  
"Greg Brady?"  
  
"He used to wear these tight knit shirts and, well, talk about packing."  
  
"Excuse me. I need to go to the loo." Dom rushed into the bathroom and closed the door. Elijah could hear the sound of his laughter through the door. After a minute, Dom emerged, his face utterly serious.  
  
"So, ready to read more fan mail?" he said.  
  
"Yeah, let's do it. These fangirls don't seem quite so silly all of a sudden."


End file.
